I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
