I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
