It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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