Old men and throwing up are my life now.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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