I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Randomize
