I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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