i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
