My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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