I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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