I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Randomize
