But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
