Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
