i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
