Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
