let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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