It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
