There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
