I hate all girls vehemently.
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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