the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
