dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Text me some of your sweat
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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