He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
