4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
