She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I just forgot I was standing up.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
