ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Alive.
So much puke
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Randomize
