So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
