Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
