On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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