I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
