the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
