it hurts more in the daytime
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
