You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
