i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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