Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
that is very illegal...i love you.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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