He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
