I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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