And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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