I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
