how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
