I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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