Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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