dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
