Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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