Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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