And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize