Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
