so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
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