My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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