Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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