Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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