The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
