you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
