i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
