she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Randomize
