i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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