I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
