I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
im six kinds of drunk right now
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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