$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
