Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Someone shit on the floor
I showed him my bush... on skype.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
The convent might be a nice break from real life
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