At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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