I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
