What did we do last night that was yellow?
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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