btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
