names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
