i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
