im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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