i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
