dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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