in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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