Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
