4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
