I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I enjoy the company of your penis
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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