Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
