Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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