bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
