why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
