You're so nebulous sometimes
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
