apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
