I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I still have a little drunk in my system
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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