is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Four minutes until I can fart!
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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