I wish I could punch you in the face.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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