I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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