I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize