i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
