I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
