I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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