So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
