Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
