I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
