Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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