and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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