We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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