i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
