Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
