If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
