last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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