wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
