and you said cock pushups were impossible
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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