She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
