I think my fart just growled at me.
only if we run a train.
done.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize