The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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