Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize