Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
a day off where I donβt get laid would be worthless
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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