ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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