we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
